he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
