ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
