"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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