I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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