Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
