Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
