We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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