I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
