it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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