While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Randomize
