sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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