I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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