mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
