I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
