I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
