I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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