You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
