Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Quick, to the slutcave!
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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