omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize