Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
