I can text with my tongue
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
These tits shall not be calmed
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
