im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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