how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
