You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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