You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I smell like Dick and happiness
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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