your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
