Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
