Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
