Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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