Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
