; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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