I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
