a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
