I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
