btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
