kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
