I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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