I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
just found out that she named her cat after me.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
