Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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