the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
