yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize