You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
