So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
