The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
