Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
