His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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