It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
