Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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