God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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