I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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