we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
