Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
