How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
