I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize