my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
