Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
