If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
