Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
