Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
