I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
