wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize