Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize