do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
