I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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