I showed him my bush... on skype.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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