No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize